In the spirit of the political season, I take this opportunity to announce the  creation of the Feline Committee of Inquiry into Canines. We the neatly dressed cats of FCIIIC have begun an inquiry on the question of Canine existence.  .

    As you can see, from our professionally printed newsletter, complete with extensive footnotes, The Canine Inquiry will open the debate into this important question.  This is an issue that has perplexed people for countless years. Do dogs exist? Certainly one must consider the evidence of humans who claim to have seen, or even owned dogs. But there is another side to consider if we are to have a free and open debate. After all, what do the pro-Canine forces have to fear from an open discussion. Could it be that they are hiding something that might damage their cause?

    Even as I write this attempt at free communication of this important issue, the pro-dog forces are marshaling. Those who claim they breed dogs are pouring millions upon millions into their campaign; a campaign obviously intended to ensure the world continues to believe their irrational beliefs. Reports of secret meetings have surfaced revealing the truth must win through against the efforts of this evil cabal.

    Just a few minutes ago, FCIIIC received a call from a man identifying himself as a dog owner. He claims he took his dog for a walk just this morning. If so, where is this dog now? He seems to have vanished into the hands of the pro-dogers who will do anything to prevent the truth from coming to light.

    So we, the members of FCIIC declare the truth. Dogs do not exist. We will fiercely resist any attempt to stop our truths from coming to light. And the frantic efforts of the pro-dogists show how in their hearts, they too know the truth.

    That’s it folks, how to tell a big lie. First you give your organization a respectable name, one that does not attack anyone. You dress you people in good, but not too good, clothes, and have them print a scholarly looking newsletter with lots of footnotes.

    Second, you show that a controversy exists.  You can always claim a second side to any question. And if someone denies a second side exists, they should be revealed as people who are hiding something. Keep your statements rational. Simply and calmly ask why your opponents are so afraid of open debate.

    Third: Attribute your own motives to the other side. Accuse them of being an evil cabal, of hiding the truth, and of being ready to do anything to keep the truth from coming out. All the while, be calm and rational. Let the other side foam at the mouth.

    Four: Dismiss any argument with a seemingly verifiable statement. “There was just a dog over on Elm Street.” “Well, were is this dog now?” In time point out that your opponents will apparently do anything to suppress the truth.

    Fifth: Lie! Lie! Lie! Don’t give an inch in your arguments and assertions, because if you do it will all fall apart around you. Never give in. Use your PAC dollars to give the impression that only you know the truth.

    That’s it kitties. You’ll be seeing a lot of this in the next few weeks. My human just counted four of them in ads during twenty minutes of TV.

    You know how I stand in this election. You have the right to your own stand, unless you are a very loud radio host. But don’t make your decision based on the politics of the BIG LIE. Don’t fall for them. Keep helping our country come alive.    I

    You know how I stand in this election. You have the right to your own stand, unless you are a very loud radio host. But don’t make your decision based on the politics of the BIG LIE. Don’t fall for them. Keep helping our country come alive.